THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

Yes, after rereading my previous entry, I realize it was a bit harsh.  Perhaps I should change the title to One Angry, Hopeful, Desperate, Grateful Woman- those adjectives would explain better the feelings a mother of a young adult with mental illness experiences from moment to moment, even after you’ve done the support group run and even educated yourself enough to teach others.

But all the support groups in the world don’t matter on the days when you look at everyone else’s children getting married, having children and living the life your child deserved. The truth is this. There are days and then, there.are.days.

Some days are filled with sadness, others anger and then there are days that there is a certain level of acceptance despite the fact that I know in those moments, I'm deluding myself into believing I feel acceptance.

I don't. I can't.  I won't. I have to believe things can change. I have to hold on to hope. 

For years my own family told me to “Get on with life;  Accept it.  You can’t change his brain or his life.  Well, yes, they were half right.  I couldn’t do anything to cure him.

But I could be his advocate.  And perhaps that is what this blog is about.  I do love people, but boy can they run when the word “schizophrenia” is mentioned.  My own son runs from the archaic mention of the word.

I’m not sure if anyone is even interested in reading this.  But I will be honest- I won’t sugarcoat our nation’s mental health care dilemma.

I can’t because I have lived it.   It’s not all sad and tragic, but it’s hidden and we’re out here, living the nightmare that could be changed if enough of us joined together.

We can start by having meaningful conversations. We can all get on the same page. Replace stigma with empathy. Insist on research. Stop using jails to house persons with mental illness because there is no other option.

Persons living with serious mental illness are in an impossible situation. They have been betrayed by a vital organ. They are no different than someone whose liver or kidney has failed. Except they are. Livers can be transplanted. A kidney can be removed.

We can't transplant brains, we can only hope for breakthroughs. Our greatest hope lies in the hands of the research community. So, I continue to advocate on all fronts. For better care, for better research, for better understanding.

It's time. Please join me.